Tuesday, August 22, 2006

the keys to the kingdom

I turned them in today. I felt sick with nostalgia and wistfulness and change when I drove onto that campus and looked up at "my" window that isn't mine anymore, walked around the redecorated room looking for the one more box that was mine, signed the Falconer newspaper dispenser "kNOw greater love... always, Mrs. Anderson" and chatted with two colleagues. When I got to my car I cried, but then Justin called (he said it's fate that makes us work like that) and by the time I treated myself to TWO scoops of Jamocha Almond Fudge ice cream in a cup with a sugar cone and got to Amanda's school so we could drive to the Photo Arts Group meeting in Escondido I wasn't crying anymore.

Plus tomorrow I don't have to go to district meetings, so that's not a bad deal. Though I always liked those.... I liked the camraderie of the meetings. I was such a social butterfly. But now, with the depression, I didn't even want to drop off the keys during the day when I'd see people. I went in the evening on purpose so that I could hopefully avoid everyone I used to work with. Depression is such a strange disease--it really changes who you ARE. and HOW you are. And it is SO much work to control the symptoms.

Anyway, I should sleep now so that hopefully tomorrow will be a "good" day.

1 comment:

Token Asian said...

Hey, Olaina...I feel your pain in terms of missing your school and your students. I just got back from Japan on Saturday after three years teaching at a junior high there. Come on by to the blog if you want to read (found you through Oakley's site).