I think I mentioned before that someone from work gave me a box of Power Thought Cards by Louise L. Hay as part of my gift basket when I first went on disability.
One of the square cards is green, with a drawing of a little girl in pig-tails watering a potted plant and the red letters in the air read, "I love life."
I put the card on the bathroom mirror. Every morning when I walk in there I see it. A couple of weeks ago I thought, "Eh, I don't know about love, but it'll have to do. I guess I'll go through this day." Sometimes I think, "Yeah, it's pretty good." And today I thought, "Yeah, I guess I do."
It turned out to be a fantastic day. We did yoga at The Garden in the morning and then a bunch of us artist/singer/musician types came up with the idea of showing our talents at the Garden with a regular event called Expressions at The Garden. Of course, I got all excited about the planning and organizing, but it was really cool because I didn't become the official leader and I didn't take on too many tasks, I'm just sending out press releases and articles (depending on publication preference), making a flyer and showing my work.
The coolest thing was that I was genuinely excited, a rarity for a depressive. Also, it's going to be on Saturday, Dec. 9, from 6-9 p.m., so it's going to be my birthday party!
Last year I didn't want a birthday party. I always make a big deal out of all birthdays for people and make the festivities grand, so this ho-hum attitude was new. I thought it was just because 31 isn't a very interesting age to turn, but now I wish someone had recognized it as a sign that something was starting to go really wrong. I think part of my thought I shouldn't have a birthday party because I was supposed to be 8 or 9 months pregnant and since I wouldn't be having a birth day, I shouldn't celebrate my birthday. I have blamed myself for so much in my life. But no more! I am letting go of blame. It doesn't matter what happened in the past or why; it just matters what happens next.
So this year, we will celebrate in my favorite Garden with my favorite people and with my re-birth: Olaina After School. Olaina the Artist, the Photographer, the Writer. Olaina Live.