Sunday, October 15, 2006

A VOTE! (or if you'd prefer, a poll)

Some of you have been involved in my occassional calls for democratic decision making before, and some of you have decided it's a bad method for living--which is why we could call it a poll instead. Feel better now?

For the uninitiated let me give a brief explanation:

When I have some major life decision or another to make, I usually want to gather the opinions of the people I know and who know me (or total strangers, as the www goes....), so I call for a vote. Now, never fear, I do not actually ACT on the vote unless I think it's the right choice, but it's sort of like flipping a coin to decide whether you want a hot dog or a hamburger (I was going to use ice cream flavors, but the choices weren't working at all). If you say heads is hot dogs and it lands on heads and you're really disappointed, then you know you want a hamburger, so you ignore the coin-flip. Here, with the voting method, I get to consider the background of the voter (and therefore the weightiness of his/her vote) and the number of votes, and then I make MY OWN decision--but I've gotten a little help from my friends. :) (Thanks guys!)

So here's the situation. I'm not waking up with sad-heart in the morning, which might mean the wellbutrin is helping (or could also be because I've gotten past school starting without me), but by the late morning/afternoon it usually catches up with me. So, maybe the new meds are helping a little. But there's also all those nasty side effects I've mentioned, the chief of which I find bothersome being the loss of short term memory and word retrieval which creates the utter confusion I so frequently feel.

Here's the decision I have to make soon:
Do I:
A) Stay on the meds or even up the dosage and hope that my mood continues to improve or at least stabilizes (praise Jesus!), and hope that the side effects will go away eventually.

B) Give up on all these meds at the risk of sinking into a deeper depression, but perhaps have my memory return (which would definitely cheer me up in some ways--as Justin pointed out one of the things that is depressing me right now is feeling stupid all the time).

C) Switch to all new drugs and hope for the best.

Cast your ballots people!

(yes, this is another desperate plea for e-mail. Vista Print is currently the only sender who writes to me consistently. And her life is never different--just always a printing. You people on the other hand are interesting. So write back! Comment!)

Thank you (grovel, grovel, grovel). :)

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