Saturday, March 10, 2007

Same Scene, New Actors

In AA, I've heard, they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result.

I do not want to be that insane.

So when someone drunk, too drunk to do what he's supposed to do, puts drinking before doing what he promised me he would do or doing his job, I have to let it go.

I mean, I am concerned for my friend, I am concerned for why he did it or whether he'll get help or what is wrong with him, other than being an alcoholic... but I can't make it my problem or my solution. Once again, I have to remember that I have to put myself first and learn to take care of myself before I try to take care of anyone else.

It's sad to watch someone be so sick. Someone young and talented and full of potential. But it is not my responsibility. It is not my fault. It is not my job to save him. I can watch. I can maybe be a friend, though I do not know what a plain old friend does in this situation. I am so used to being an enabler. But I can't play that role anymore. I can't lie to cover it up. I can't provide anything but the willingness to be there and to hope that he will get help for himself.

Does anyone know what the healthy friend of an alcoholic does? There must be a role somewhere between abandonment and enablement. That's a job I need to learn. Anyone?

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