Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Next Steps

Pastor Brian came over last night--it was the only opportunity for him to visit before Memorial Day weekend, when Justin will be on a ship for his friend's bachelor party cruise. I needed him to visit before then, because I do not want to be left in San Diego with my parents leaving the country on a month's retirement dream vacation and me being the only one left to deal with Mark and Toni if something should happen. We almost canceled because we were tired--we're tired all the time now, but we knew we had to push through and have the meeting because Toni's condition can change at any moment and we can't just hope nothing happens while everyone vacations.

At one point Brian said to me, "And you want a plan."

"Hell, I want a flow chart!"

So today I'm going to make my flow chart--just for my own comfort--and since we have a scanner I'll share it with the world. What to do when a loved one is dying. It's not like we can choose what's going to happen next--we didn't choose the pneumonia diagnosis ER-visit Sunday, we didn't choose the DNR phone call two hours after the Ambien induced sleep, and we didn't choose the brain tumor that started all this seven years ago.

Justin and I are very tired and very depressed. It's amazing we muddle through the day. If Yaz and Stan (the neighbor's puppies, and one of my jobs) didn't need walks each morning before 8 a.m. I'd stay in bed much of the day.

More later... I'm off to a doctor's appointment.

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