Monday, May 28, 2007

What Do I Know?

My best girl friend and I are drowning in the beginning and ending of life right now.

She just had a baby--well, not exactly just, it was almost a month ago.

Justin's mom is dying.

I'm not good with anything old. And Justin's mom isn't even old (59, to be exact), but by virtue of her illness and her dying-ness she falls into the category of things I'm not good with. I wasn't good with bandaging Justin's bloody foot after his last surgery either. But he's not old. We weren't even 30 yet, then.

I am good with newer things. I don't have my own new baby, maybe never will, but I've changed lots of diapers on new babies, and bigger babies who haven't quite figured out the potty yet.

I just want to swim in the pool of new-baby life for a little while.

But, for now at least, I'm not allowed that life-preserver. I am stuck on the deep end, trapped in the diving pool, while the new mamma and her family insist on kiddie-pool privacy and over here I live outloud and look for someone to help.

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