Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Happy Easter

Apparently it was her favorite holiday. Quite possibly it was also the only one for which she was photographed and maybe that she was allowed to celebrate. There are childhood photos of her at Easter (bunny, white gloves, dresses, a Bible...) and then at prom, and a couple at the beach. Now, when we think about how often she said, "Happy Easter!" to us when it was not even close to Easter we feel bad. We had no idea--what if it was just her favorite childhood memory and so when she was happy she said, "Happy Easter"? What if that was the day that special people from out of town called to say hello and so everytime Justin called she said, "Happy Easter!" because that's what she was told to say when relatives called that day?

Justin is sad because there's so much about his mother he does not know. As we sifted through the boxes of photographs last weekend he and Mark tried to piece together her history, but even though between the two of them one of them was always with her there are still so many blank spots. Justin and his biological dad were there until Justin was about five years old--and what does a kid remember from before kindergarten? And then there were about eight years that it was just Toni and Justin--but from eight to 13, what does a boy know of his mom? The last twenty years overlap in a ragged mental album of graduations and relationships and marriages and deaths and disputes...

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