Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I have a friend!

Somehow Victoria knew to call me just after I met with That Other Bitch Nancy. Why I pay to talk to that woman I'll never know. She throws out really genius comments like, "Mhmmm." "You must be really sad." "I'm sensing a lot of anger." "It's been a pretty frustrating experience."

I finally told her it was her fault that my best friend in San Diego wasn't talking to me and told her that I knew she wouldn't give me any guidance anyway.

The idiot asked if my cog skills could be put to use to convince myself not to take it personally that my new-mom friend wasn't talking to me or seeing anyone, or that my step-in-laws family doesn't like me, or that my friends in San Diego have not called me back yet (the mom is overwhelmed, and a lot of new moms do this isolation thing, even if it isn't really helpful or healthy; the in-laws are crazy anyway and the good ones (Mark, Dennis and Ruth) do like me; the San Diego friends are probably working right now). Obviously I have put my cog skills to use, but that doesn't make it any better. It still leaves me lonely, trying to continue to be brave while I support my husband as he plows through the last part of his third year of medical school while also grieving the death of his mother in little tiny spurts. I'm so tired from taking care of other people, while ironically meanwhile I just want to take care of my new-mom friend and also get taken care of by other people, just a little.

I almost didn't even pay her for the rest of the month, but decided I'd go ahead and expect to finish out June and then decide if it was worth seeing her any more.

And then Victoria called. In one thirty-minute phone call she made me feel better because:
A) I knew I had a friend--someone I've known for 12 or so years, who lets me take care of her and her new babies and who could convince me that isolation was normal for some mothers (even if Victoria and I don't get it).
B) She also convinced me that therapists are for saying, "Mhmmmm," and making people work through their own feelings, whereas friends are for making people feel better.
C) She also reminded me that I can take care of Justin still (instead of burdening him with my negative feelings now) because I do have support, even if I have to make a long distance phone call to find it.
D) She also said that if I could go visit her and her new baby girl and two boys in Colorado she would definitely let me in the door, but she would also put me to work--which I would love.
E) She also reminded me that she has a crazy family too--but hers is blood related--and that people only say really mean things when they are so comfortable with you that you are considered family, even if there is no real blood tie. When I pointed out that Dorothy was also mean to 8 year-old girls who rake her lawn voluntarily, she pointed out that this particular old woman may just be crazy as all get out.

So, I feel better. Yay Victoria! (and of course there's still LA Oakley; as soon as the weather is better and the moms and everyone else under the sun are taken care of by us, we can have our Oceans-of-Sadness Beach Party. By invitation only.)

1 comment:

oakmonster said...

We just have to hang on to each other in this, the whole bunch of us! How else could we all stay afloat? :)

I'm channeling my energy into last minute dash for AIDS Walk LB and checking in on Celeste, my little fireball. That and crazy ass work keep me going.

But I can use a lavender creme brulee perhaps when we all get back...