Monday, June 04, 2007

Terror

Toni gets this look of absolute fear in her eyes. She also does not want to close them, the way a baby fights sleep. The boys keep telling her it will be OK, she will be OK, but I think what she needs to hear is that THEY will be OK. They, whom she raised, whom she drew out of their shells and made men, they who she protected and fed and cared for and loved; they of whom she brought out the best and I'm sure also the worst--she needs to know that they will be OK. She needs to know that she will be in heaven watching down on all of us, and that we'll all hear her voice saying do the dishes, don't marry that woman, she's not good enough for you, make Mary Looraine get a job... she needs to know that she taught them how to live and they will be OK.

I wish she didn't look so scared. Does it help if you believe you will go to heaven? That Jesus loves you? I don't know. I've never seen anyone die. But I believe all that, and still it was taking care of Justin that kept me alive. She needs to know they learned from her how to take care of themselves and the rest of us.

Let's see what today brings.

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