And I just can't hide it,
Yep. Totally working.
But I just heard this story on NPR that included a newly non-homeless man saying his art was keeping him from falling back into depression and drugs. Since he had a place to live he felt better, so he started painting, and he's sold some art.
Yesterday I got to do two new paintings, revise one and continue working on another. There's something to be excited about.
In other news.... hard to believe Heath Ledger died yesterday. 28 years old. Had trouble sleeping during the filming of his now last film, where he played the scary monster guy--the Joker in the Dark Night (follow up to Batman movie). Ennis Delmar in Brokeback Mountain. "Bottom line is, we're around each other and this thing grabs hold of us in the wrong place and the wrong time and we're dead." Dead.
People shouldn't die. Neil's roommate's mom died (60) two days ago. Sudden heart attack. Tom had to fly back to Boston, of course. But who knows when he will return--his father is 70 something, his younger brother needs extra care.
People die and the people around them never have the same lives again.
I asked God to leave us alone this year--no more deaths since Toni and Wayne from last year. I asked for a break, not feeling up to handling another loss. God doesn't listen that closely, what with his habit of creating his own plan. Maybe he's just got me in training, hopefully this year as no more than a rather distant observer with "minor" grief. God knows I am not ready for losses closer to home. I'm running out of people I can't live without.
(And that's minus those that just disappear when their lives change by doing things like having a baby...) cruel lessons that I will have to learn. I lose. We all lose. It's a lesson I am learning. As for the disappeared, well, I have to know they're missing out on a whole lotta love. They lose.
I wonder if they'll resurrect themselves.
If they do, I'll be here.