Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Boobie Doctor

OK. So I’ve been trying to be very low key about all of this boob stuff. So low key I may not have even mentioned that in 25 minutes I have another appointment at the Breast Health Center so that they can do an ultra sound on my left breast to see if I have cancer.

Or maybe it’s just another lump of nothing really important to worry about.

OF course I feel like fraud, going in there with my tiny boobies worried about a lump that was near the scar tissue from the lumpectomy I had two summers ago. 2006.

I was really nervous then. Justin even came with me to the ultrasound. You just don’t go to the Breast Health Center alone the first time.

But later on, those women with cancer, they go alone. Unless it’s one of those days when they won’t be able to drive, then someone from their net[work] brings them.

I am taking up someone’s space at the Boob Doctor’s office. I know I am. I know I don’t need to go there. I know this thing in there is nothing. Nothing, I tell you.

But it’s there.

And I said something about it when the Woman Doctor was giving me my annual exam.

So she had to send me.

I have to remember that. The key words. If you say them, the doctors have to at least see you.

Lump.

Hurts when you touch it.

Right there.

Yeah.

That’s it.

I can roll over it. It’s probably just a cyst.

But since you said something, we should send you to the Breast Health Center.

They have a whole center.

Because our boobies get cancer and the cancer kills people.

So now I have to go in there with my curly hair and my skinny body and my flat chest and sit with the head-wrapped people. If I wore a scarf, which I often do, which in fact would go well with this outfit, I might be mocking them accidentally. So I have to go and remind them of having thick hair once upon a time. Me and my non-cancerous secret lump.

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