If I could, I think I would bite my own head off today.
But I can't, so I prey on Justin.
I am going to give myself a tiny little break here: he woke up in an extremely grouchy mood ("I'm going to rip some one's face off if I don't get some coffee") and so I told him that I would let him make his own decisions about going to church and working on his paper today. I know I cannot help him with any of the work--I don't even remember the exact name of the disease he researches, though I can edit the articles. I decided to just walk a few steps behind him (so as to preserve my face) and be really quiet, since anything I was saying was being met with countering responses. I did say, "You know, I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but I am not, for once, so I'd like to try to preserve that."
Then we worked on our silent but comfortable skills while he drove us to church--toward Mystic Mocha, but then changing his mind and going toward the freeway. I didn't ask.
After church he ate a yummy breakfast at Mystic and I had my Mocha so as not to get that headache I might get if I didn't. Even at breakfast (which was friendly, as was church--he rarely wants to go but typically feels calmer after he does go) I practiced my unobtrusive wife skills.
I asked if I could read an article about patriotism to him and he said yes, so we did.
"Comments? Discuss?" I said.
We had a civil conversation while he ate. Then he was finished and I started getting all nervous about the time and all the stuff he has to do, but I was such a good girl!
"I'm just going to sit here in the sun and let you decide when you're ready to leave."
So we sat for a while and then we got home.
Since tomorrow he starts his month of dermatology clinics he has to go back to wearing a shirt and tie and the short white coat (June 1 they can wear long ones because they'll be doctors). He started rummaging through the closet--he's always all kvetchy before a new rotation, having to iron clothes and study up on the subject and plus also this Independent Study Project that will be presented in Rome, Italy, but which continues to evolve, as research will.
Feeling strong and wanting to help him by using my good-wife-from-the-50's skills, I told him, "Don't worry about your clothes and ironing. I'll do it." I could still hear him moving hangers around. "Seriously don't worry about it. I'll do it all for you. Just work on your stuff. Laundry is the only thing I can actually do that is helpful."
I got started and about two hours into the trips down the stairs to the communal washers and dryer (plural and singular illogically true) I started to go all wonky.
Just as I was about to start watching all the Obama speeches on YouTube bhe decided he was going to take a break and watch the end of the Lakers game.
I do love the Lakers but this was not in my plan. Plus I was at that point where I had to keep running up and down the stairs with laundry baskets, which is easier to do during football games but ruinous during faster moving basketball games.
So all of these gripes became Justin's fault because he exists, needs to wear clothes and was sitting in the same room.
Now he's at the gym, working off the aggravation of his life.
Before he left I apologized and said I was going to try taking some medicine and calming down, but that I might not get as much done as I planned because it tends to make me sleepy.
He graciously parted and I look forward to his return. And his re-entry into the cave that is his office, so I can just be left alone.
I wish I didn't have to hang out with myself all the time.