OMG this wait would be so much easier if I had a really good novel to read and could just stay in bed with that until it's time.
As it is, I am getting by with writing, painting, checking my messages constantly and occasionally taking deep breaths because I keep forgetting to breathe.
One: Where the hell am I going to be living in June?
There are 37 hours and 35 minutes until the envelope opening. Then some people I have never met will finally reveal the decision they have made as to where I will be living from, oh, June 2008 til at least sometime in 2012, or, you know, forever.
Two: When is this woman going to call me to tell me when my appointment is so I can get on my life?
Chances are good that I will not get a phone call until about 13 hours from now. So I'll have to wait. And then when she does call I still have to hope that she's got an appointment available virtually immediately.
Of course it's too much to ask. But a person reaches quiet desperation. I am there and I have to do something to make it better.
You can see I have about as much control over my life as the average military-family child.
It's driving me crazy.
So I'm hoping that somewhere in this giant blue Ikea reusable bag of tricks I've been filling over the years I'll find some tools that will hold me together at least until the phone call of great importance. Then, the next day, when they tell me where I'll be living I'll either be thrilled or horrified, so God willing I've got something to hold me together for that.
I know that all of these events for which I am anxious might turn out just fine. Maybe the call will come even tonight and we can have our meeting tomorrow. And maybe the meeting will go really well and all the relationships involved will move in a healthy direction. Maybe when I finally hear the truth about where we are going to live I will just be excited for any change at all because I am going on this adventure with Justin.
Maybe it will all be fine.
But right now I feel like I am going to explode with the expanding volume of waiting.