Thursday, March 27, 2008

warning: lovey-dovey cuteness ahead

This morning:

I bumped my elbow on the wall and said, "Oww."

"Ch," he followed.

"Some people finish each other's sentences, we finish each other's words," I smiled at him.

****

Justin, upon opening the bedroom window blinds: "Hello World!"
In the living room, I smile.
"Why so glum?" he asks the world.
I get up to look and give him a hug because he's been on a cuteness-roll this morning.
"It looks so gloomy out there."
He seems sheepish, getting caught talking to the world, though he hadn't made an effort to be quiet about it so I wouldn't hear.
The marine layer lingered outside.

*****

Dressed up for work, he asks me whether black or brown shoes will match his softly lavender shirt and gray and slightly darker purple tie. His hand is covering the part of the belt he has on so far.

"Either one," I said. "Both of them will work, black or brown. And you don't have to cover up your belt for me to decide--I know it's reversible."

Actually, he only has two pairs to choose from. They are decent business shoes, but they are from the VA and specially designed to fit his prosthetic. Occasionally I am apt to ask which is more comfortable or what he'll be doing that day, so that I can try to suggest shoes that will cause the least amount of pain.

****

I woke up just before his second alarm went off and was pumped to start the day that was already racing around in my head. My eyes were sleepy and my body felt annoyed that I wouldn't sleep the one or two more hours that are suggested for general health and especially if I take a sleeping pill.

My mind is stronger than a sleeping pill, of all the things to overcome.

I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't get calm enough. I had already tried reading and checked both of my e-mail accounts, but was stuck between productivity and rest.

I went back to the bedroom and got into bed. "Justin, aren't you supposed to get up and go?"

"Huh? Yeah. Where were you."

"I rised, but there was no shining."

"Awww..."

"Maybe if I could spread out and take up the whole bed..."

"I am diagonal, huh?" he said and straightened up. When he finally left he said sweet dreams.

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do."

"I'd try diagonal," he said and closed the door.

Less than five minutes later I was in the kitchen chatting and watching him have breakfast. There's not point in lying in bed getting frustrated and annoyed with myself just because I cannot sleep.

Another joy of the mixed state and cyclothymia. I want to be nocturnal--when I went to bed at midnight last night I was still full of energy. But I knew I had to sleep. So I medicated, and I tried and it worked. But at the slightest indication of daytime, I mentally sped around even though my body weighs the empty extra weight of sleep deprivation and my eyes push down into my cheeks.

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