Thursday, March 20, 2008

Watching it sinking

Today has been one of the most emotionally draining days of my life.

The anticipation, the information, the shock, the confusion, the relief, the excitement, the celebration, the consoling of the disappointed, the photography, further celebration. A short break at home. An appointment with the past that chews away at the present and spits me out scarred. Change. Clothes, mood, focus. Dinner. More celebrating.

The best part has been watching Justin get more and more excited as the news sunk in, and the concept of being accepted at such a highly regarded program and finishing his residency in three years.

I am so glad that he is genuinely happy about his Match.

He keeps telling me the order of the next three years of rotations. The number of weeks he'll be working in the Emergency Department (ED) during the three years. The names of people he knows who are already residents there or who are going there with him, even if they are in other specialties. Every now and then he grins and squirms like a little kid who can't contain himself--a kid who is about to open his Christmas present and can tell from the packaging that it is exactly what he wanted.

I love watching Justin's happiness. It's so exuberant. He oozes joy.

I need to look at a map. I knew we might move, but the fact that we actually are moving to Los Angeles is sinking in very slowly. I am still stunned. LA. I told Justin I needed to look at a map because I have no concept the location of the places he and Oakley discussed while we ate dinner.

He scraped the sauce and mushrooms and capers off the top of his chicken piccatta and cut a piece off but didn't eat it.

"What are you doing?" I leaned over to look at his plate. "Oh my gosh, is that California?"

"This is Long Beach," and he placed a small bit of chicken near the "coast." "This is Santa Monica," a mushroom. "Here's Torrance," another sliver of chicken where UCLA-Harbor is located, "And there's Redondo Beach." He pointed to the more coastal side of the same bit of meat. "LAX is right there." A caper.

"Oh, so Torrance is that part where the traffic slows down on the 405?"

"Yeah, that's it."

He and Oakley both say Redondo Beach will be a cool place to live. He's talking about moving in May (!?!?!?!), which will give us some time to settle into the new city, which would be good. But May is the month after April, and April is 11 days away and we'll be in Rome and Phoenix for the first two weekends.

May.

He starts working on June 20 or so.

Sweet Jesus.

We had this clock that was moving really slowly, and now it's skipping ahead so quickly.

I just need some time for it to all sink in.

There should be a pause button.

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