Monday, June 02, 2008

The First Morning

I woke up next to Justin and as usual cuddled until the need to pee overrode the desire to keep lying down.

Then I woke him up with a little kiss to tell him, "I slept until 8 o'clock! What a victory!" And I told him about a dream--a wonderful dream that didn't exhaust me the way dreams did two months ago, but felt more like I was watching a dramatic sit-com from the position of an actress who is aware that her own life is not exactly what she is doing.

The dream involved a few people I know and a few people I didn't even recognize and a house that was slightly altered from one in out neighborhood and a few more people I know from a different part of my life all in the same space. One friend was detoxing only because he didn't have the cash to buy more coke and the rest of us were participating in the circus of his furious crashing, which had us hating, yelling, loving and hugging each other in cycles. Then there was something about a movie and a homemade movie they had made, and the wrong one being returned to the library. It was a beautifully ridiculous dream and I loved it.

A few minutes after relaying the dream to Justin (who is still sleeping next to me, who responded to my story with, "hmm..." "humph..."), I remembered.

Yesterday people kept asking if it felt different, being a doctor's wife. Once I said, "Oh my God, it's such a pain! All this entertaining!" I waved my arm expansively over the spread and the guests at our Rubio's A-Go-Go picked-up-"catered" luncheon in the church hall. "Just kidding. It's the same."

Then I thought about it this morning. It was the same--I felt the same way I did before, just waking up next to my best friend and telling him my funky dream right away--but it was also different. So of course despite him still sleeping, I woke him up again with my words.

"Oh my God, I'm lying next to a doctor. At first it's just the same as anything. But then I remembered. I've never been with a doctor before. Of course, I'd never been with a security guard before either. I love you just the same." He gave another "hmmmm" response.

He's still still sleeping as I write. It is the same--very little expectation, sweet surprises, just a guy and a girl next to each other. The only difference I notice at the moment is that then he was a full time night security guard, a full time day college student and a rugby player and president of the college judicial board and volunteering in an Alzheimer's respite program and working in a lab. There was the pressure of the desire to become a doctor. The working toward that particular goal.

Becoming a doctor has been our life for seven years (on July 16, 2008, it will be the anniversary of the day we met).

Now he is one.

Our goal is for him to be a good doctor.

He will be.

First there's the three years of residency--this year he is called an intern. He has four days of orientation at UCLA-Harbor ER and then it's game time. He can write prescriptions, make life-or-death decisions and teach medical students. But he'll have the two years of residents ahead of him on his team, the attending, the "real real doctors" after that. All of them will be just "practicing" medicine as they call it, but some of them will have 2 days of experience, 2 years, 2 decades... When he gets nervous I just remind him of that.

Plus he's lucky. They've capped residency hours at 30 consecutive hours in a shift, a mandatory 10 hours between shifts and 60 or 80 hours per week. It's a law now. As an ER resident though, it's shift work, since no matter what the doctors have to be sharp and fresh to work in the high energy environment, so our life will be not much different than it is now. He's still going to be studying, preparing for step 3 of the Boards, preparing for the next day, the next rotation, the next patient.

I'll still be just Justin's wife.

I imagine, being the blue collar kinda guy that he is, we won't be going around telling people he's a doctor when we go to parties. We won't tell them I am a photographer or a business owner. We won't mention dog walking. After all, there's the surf, the Lakers, the Angels, the Padres, the weather.... politics and religion too... There are more interesting things to talk about than our work.

I am Justin's wife. He is my husband. It's not different today compared to yesterday, any different than any Monday is different than Sunday.

No comments: