Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Hello? Am I home now?

Justin and I are finally done sleeping on the air mattress in our echoing apartment in San Diego. I'm sitting on our LA bed, plants blooming to my left, Dad's paintings hanging to my right, books, music, everything from home.

But I am so homesick.

How is it that I miss San Diego so much? I already gave up my teaching career there, my teaching co-workers, my teaching hours, my teaching acquaintances, my old life....

I guess that's what's making me sad.

I did not just give up that old life. I traded in a beautiful body with a bad engine for a new vehicle--a balanced one.

So I miss my friends from the neighborhood, I miss knowing I can call Jareb or Grace Ann or Pall or Tiffany or whoever and just get some coffee or take a walk or something. Even if in the last year we all got really busy with our jobs and significant others and saw each other less, there's something about knowing someone who really cares about me is just a few doors away. I miss Brian, who we have seen a lot less of in the last two years than in the year before that alone, but who I knew I could see and listen to in church any given Sunday and feel surrounded by His love through his genius. I miss knowing that in our apartment complex if I did laundry on Monday I'd be messing up the retired people's order of operations, so I waited until Tuesdays or the evening. I miss the apartment manager's pretty flowers blooming in the courtyard and knowing I'd have to prepare myself to greet any given neighbor if I so much as opened our front screen. Most especially I miss knowing that if I went to the L Bar on Saturday night Ben would make a lemon drop martini for me as soon as I walked into the room and Jareb would smile when he caught my eye and play any song I requested. I miss knowing where to get yummy food with Justin. I miss the puppies. I miss knowing who would be at our table if Justin had poker night at our house. I miss knowing that Tuesdays was therapy morning and art afternoon. I miss the Art Academy studio--the days when I felt well enough to go in there and take my class or spend extra time working on something.

I miss the good life that I made.

I know I can still have all of that here; I can keep the friends, it's just not the same long distance. I can discover new places to do the activities, it's just not the same as places I find by rote as soon as I leave the front door.

I am not homesick for San Diego so much as I am just sad. It's like Holden Caulfield said, "You shouldn't tell anyone about anyone because you start missing them" (paraphrased).

Friends keep friends company during all-day events at Qualcomm Stadium.

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