As I stood perfectly still I let my mind hold and let go and float wander run rest go deep and retreat.
As I stood perfectly still and looked to the artists as though I "never moved a muscle," I focused on those muscles and held them and felt them twitch and tingle and never rest, but strain and flex and hold hold hold.
1, 5, 10, 30 minute increments.
Once upon a time there was a girl who was an inhuman over-achiever. But with every award there was always more to do, and another person standing at the door demanding her attention. "Could you please do this for me? I know you'll do it well and you never say no and don't let yourself fail or take an incomplete. Thanks. Bye!" OK. No problem. Got it.
Don't got sleep don't got love don't got friends don't got much but respect admiration resentment fear jealousy drive loneliness.
After she crashed she reconfigured, like Humpty Dumpty together again with cracks in the surface and no desire to sit on a wall.
Closer to the ground just fine fine fine.
There was a girl who garnered trophies and left them on the shelves. She did piece work in restaurants and art studios and a tutoring center and found dogs to walk and subjects to photograph. She ran, but there was no one chasing her anymore and so she could breathe more deeply.
Like Sleeping Beauty waking up.