Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Shaking Things Up

Damn the earthquake that shook my insides more than my outsides.

I was at the tutoring center when it hit. Standing next to three tall bookcases filled with workbooks. A plate glass window of the storefront.

"Was that an earthquake?"

"It's still going," I said. Why, why can't I be in an earthquake and not be around kids? I looked at the bookcases, the window.

"We should get in the door jam."

Five adults and two kids? Tables that wouldn't protect us from the books or glass. "We should go outside."

"No, there's lots of trees out there."

"Post-China, I'm all about going outside," I said, and went outside where I saw all the other business people outside their shops. The others followed. The kids didn't even feel it and their mom walked back over fast so that she could be with her cubs. Mom was nervous, but relieved to see that things hadn't fallen or shaken much like in the beauty supply shop she'd been browsing and her kids were nonchalant.

I couldn't get cellphone reception--the network was jammed--no access to Justin, no learning whether he had to go to work even though there hadn't been much damage, you know, it was a natural disaster... kinda.... heart attacks.... maybe people had to work...

My parents were trying to call in--always my protectors--but I couldn't take the call because we returned to training immediately. But my mind was with Justin, Mom and Dad, everywhere but the order of lesson planning out of a box. Which box to check, which number to circle...

After my tutoring work I took a nap, but by my restaurant job I had to take some medicine to quell my anxiety. I just wanted to stay home and be with Justin.

Safe.

So now I wake, ready to go, needing to get stuff done, ready to get ready and be prepared for anything.

Meanwhile, Justin sleeps peacefully, recovering from his four days of working nights and sleeping rarely.

Maybe normal people have forgotten about the quake already. Maybe they aren't desperate for information about what the damage was and what the chances are that it happens again and where and how strong. Was it a fore shock?

Shock.

I don't need it.

At least today is a day off work and I hopefully can regroup.


**************** 3:20 p.m.********************
Regrouped. Turns out sleeping all day is an excellent healer. And which of us was not sleep deprived?

ahhhhh...... residency program.... day sleeping.... restaurant night working.... calm....

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