Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Three Years to Ready

It's been three years, nearly, since my world spun backward and then lunged forward. Three years since the miscarriage, three years since walking across the campus deciding which trashcan I would hurl into, three years since I left the classroom.

I still have teaching materials in my home, still think of lesson plans when I come across something that would be interesting for children to learn, still maintain contact with some of my students.

Three years ago I almost lost my life, I did lose the life I knew. Now, three years later I am rebuilding a life that is yet unknown.

There are so many times that I want to push fast forward and see what will be, but there is no button, so I wait to see what is to come.

Three years ago I learned we are not really in control of our destiny, we only move through our lives carefully and watch the colors of the picture brighten or dim.

It is time now, time to live well and be good, do good. And so I move and wait and move and wait, knowing that something will happen. Knowing that I create my own happiness, but not my entire circumstance.

If I were in charge of my circumstances, I would have a two year old child running around this apartment today. No, I am just the lead role in my life, I do not write the script.

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