Monday, January 19, 2009

The Sleeping Pill

I don't want to take the sleeping pill.

I remember the first time I was assigned to taking one; it took me a week to give in and do it.

I was afraid I would get addicted.

I did not.

I stopped taking it because we wanted to get pregnant. However, A) That doesn't seem to be working out, B) I'm not in any shape to be pregnant or a mother when I'm sleep deprived and clinically depressed.

I have to take the sleeping pill again.

And again I do not want to. But I must. I need to sleep a whole night through. I know that a night of sleep will help me get on track. I know my body will not allow me that sleep of its own volition.

I wish I could survive without medication. It's like being a diabetic and always having to take insulin. I wish I did not have to, but I do--and I suppose I am glad that the medication exists, because it means I do have the opportunity to sleep tonight.

God, please help me get better quickly. I'm going to shut the door on this tearful day and wake up tomorrow to do the dishes and make the dinner and take a walk before I get ready for work. For now, I pray, Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my Soul to keep; Our Father Who Art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever and ever. Amen.


Anonymous said...

We all have those days. The happiest, most cheerful people we know have those days when we just don't want to wake up. Or those other days when we just don't want to go to sleep. You have to get past it.

I just took a trip into a third world country and was reminded how good we have it here, and how we just take it all in stride. We don't know hunger. We don't know pain and desperation the way that those people do.

We do know love. We do know inspiration. We do know that hard work inspires hard work, and hard work results in bigger things than we can momentarily comprehend.

Put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard or whatever it is that you can do to best express yourself. You can weave words in ways that few people can. You've been blessed with that talent. Use it to free yourself from darkness and to inspire others in ways that you'll never know.

Anything from a little smile to heart felt inspiration can change somebody's life forever. Give yourself a chance to affect people like that. Give the rest of the world a chance to see what you can do for us. You've done a great deal already by inspiring goodness in people. You can do so much more by achieving and inspiring greatness.

Do what it is that you do. Realize that you aren't alone in your dark days, but also realize that you have to bring yourself out of them. Every trial that you go through is something to learn from and to take inspiration from. When all else fails, look to the stars.

KI said...

Just think, lady: today is the day when our country -- beaten up and kicked in the gut and thrown in the gutter -- gets to start over. We get to walk behind a leader who sees what we're facing, knows the stakes, and nevertheless puts his faith in us, and has no fear. I love it!!! And I know that you love it, too :-) Take inspiration from him -- you have been through so much, and are so strong!