Could somebody please tell me what to do about the fact that bikini weather is coming?
Today, Justin and I went walking on the Seal Beach pier while eating Coldstone's ice cream and people-watching. There were people in bikinis. Young girls, lying on their backs with their flat bellies to the sky, boys with their T-shirts off, resting next to them.
While I was pregnant I wore maternity T-shirts, so now I have a spectacular farmer's-tan AND...
OK. I know I said I wouldn't go around dwelling on my body and its sizable flaws anymore, but I just have to get some answers here.
Not only do I have a farmer's tan, I also have a fat stomach. Like I've been pregnant or something.
I read somewhere about a woman envying the spirit of another woman--a mother who was happily playing with her son in the waves at the beach, wearing a bikini despite, well, despite not having the perfect body.
So what I want is to be that carefree woman, the one playing in the ocean despite being overweight.
I don't want to be that girl who wears shorts and a T-shirt over her swimsuit and never takes them off.
Last summer, I just avoided the beach (despite living two blocks away). It was easy enough to do with a newborn--she wasn't ready for it, was my excuse.
This summer, we are moving to Seal Beach and it is my GOAL to get out there and have fun.
Doing that, I realize, could play a part in helping me lose weight--you know, physical activity and all.
But I don't want anyone to see my belly. Or really my legs. Or my butt. I feel like I'm a woman of a certain age and I just shouldn't be prancing around in skimpy clothes anymore. But we're talking about BEACH ATTIRE here, for goodness sake.
What's a girl to do?
Last summer, I bought a black one piece, but it makes me feel like such a fuddy-duddy (not a word?). It makes me feel like an old lady. Last summer, I tried on my bikinis and felt ridiculous just standing in my own bedroom. Maybe new, larger swimwear is the solution. After all, if I don't fit into size zero jeans, I certainly won't fit into a size small bikini, right?
It's just that when I was 31, I was going through my closet and came across my form-fitting high school prom dress. For kicks, I tried it on. IT FIT. I was in my 30s and wearing my high school prom dress. It fit.
Now, at 36, I love my life, but I have to somehow learn to love living in my bigger body. Or at least get used to it.
So, someone, please tell me, what on earth should I wear?
A) a bikini. FTW
B) a one piece, have some decency
C) a swimsuit of any sort, as long as I keep my shorts and tanktop on--nobody wants to see that fat