Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Bikini Weather is Coming

Could somebody please tell me what to do about the fact that bikini weather is coming?

Today, Justin and I went walking on the Seal Beach pier while eating Coldstone's ice cream and people-watching. There were people in bikinis. Young girls, lying on their backs with their flat bellies to the sky, boys with their T-shirts off, resting next to them. 

While I was pregnant I wore maternity T-shirts, so now I have a spectacular farmer's-tan AND...

OK. I know I said I wouldn't go around dwelling on my body and its sizable flaws anymore, but I just have to get some answers here.

Not only do I have a farmer's tan, I also have a fat stomach. Like I've been pregnant or something.

I read somewhere about a woman envying the spirit of another woman--a mother who was happily playing with her son in the waves at the beach, wearing a bikini despite, well, despite not having the perfect body.

So what I want is to be that carefree woman, the one playing in the ocean despite being overweight.

I don't want to be that girl who wears shorts and a T-shirt over her swimsuit and never takes them off.

Last summer, I just avoided the beach (despite living two blocks away). It was easy enough to do with a newborn--she wasn't ready for it, was my excuse.

This summer, we are moving to Seal Beach and it is my GOAL to get out there and have fun.

Doing that, I realize, could play a part in helping me lose weight--you know, physical activity and all.

But I don't want anyone to see my belly. Or really my legs. Or my butt. I feel like I'm a woman of a certain age and I just shouldn't be prancing around in skimpy clothes anymore. But we're talking about BEACH ATTIRE here, for goodness sake.

What's a girl to do?

Last summer, I bought a black one piece, but it makes me feel like such a fuddy-duddy (not a word?).  It makes me feel like an old lady. Last summer, I tried on my bikinis and felt ridiculous just standing in my own bedroom. Maybe new, larger swimwear is the solution. After all, if I don't fit into size zero jeans, I certainly won't fit into a size small bikini, right?

It's just that when I was 31, I was going through my closet and came across my form-fitting high school prom dress. For kicks, I tried it on. IT FIT. I was in my 30s and wearing my high school prom dress. It fit.

Now, at 36, I love my life, but I have to somehow learn to love living in my bigger body. Or at least get used to it.

So, someone, please tell me, what on earth should I wear?

A) a bikini. FTW
B) a one piece, have some decency
C) a swimsuit of any sort, as long as I keep my shorts and tanktop on--nobody wants to see that fat
D) other--explain


Nikki said...

I'm graduating to the Tankini!

Donna Jean said...

D-.... your getting used to a new you. Sucks right, but that sweet kid you lost your HS body for was worth it. No one will run screaming if you wear a 2 piece, but for gawds sake, it needs to fit your body. It might include more of a boyshort style and maybe more of a tankini top. Work with what you have, you will get yourself in shape, but dont forget to get comfortable with your body. Its still you!!
I love your blog Olaina... you bear your soul. now go get rid of that farmers tan.

OakMonster said...

There are some sexy one-pieces out there now. AND you can also do light tunic or sarong for coverage.

Hell, I'm a zero and I still wear covers. Then again, I have issues with my Asian J-Lo ass. LOL ;-D

HUGS to you--doesn't matter what size!